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Zombie Thoughts

I’m even fed up of writing my fucking thoughts in here

boy look today

boy look today

I’m so angry. Easter week is the only one I have to relax until the end of this course and I have been kicked out of my own house because my aunt is coming to visit. I love my aunt to death but I don’t fucking want to go the fuck away from my room. I want to BE LAZY, DO NOTHING, BE RELAXED, CRAFT, PAINT MY FUKING FAKE NAILS OR FART IF I WANT TO but I CAN’T! I will have to go the fuck away from my fucking refuge and move to somebody’s house to be stressed every fucking second. NO JUST NO!

I am having dificulties to sleep, to control my anxiety and the overeating accompany it and to control my emotions lately.

I want peace and a nice clear diet full of nutritive food that balance my mood changes and I am not going to have any of these…

I’m a little fed up of people telling me how my body should be. It is the way I want it to be.

And NO, you should not say how much I should eat (specially if you don’t know me)

I can’t be happier for having the courage to talk with my boyfriend about my problems.

I love him a lot.

Oh, shit, I feel terrible… I’m trying not to fall apart and keep going and going because at some point I know it is going to be okay but, you know, I keep also losing control and having such big twists in my mind and… I don’t know…

Also, I feel like I’m being judged for other people’s fault. I know it is sometimes uncontrollable to kind of hostility to what a person who hurt you used to do but I am not responsible of that and I am really feeling bad for doing things I enjoy just because I KNOW and I can actually FEEL the hostility towards that.

You know what? I am really hurt in this moment and I really hate writing this exact post in this right moment when I want to fucking yell it to a very important person to me, cry like a crazy and be hold for a long time until I fall asleep.

Ok, I’m in one of my worst moods, I have not enjoied my weekend binge dinner with friends, in fact I was REALLY bored and annoyed for some reason. I want to smash something and AROFLEHN FUCK!

No wonder why my coord for tomorrow is so friggin strange~

I don’t know what I’m feeling it ended up being a mix of everything and anything.

I am a bit dissapointed with the weather lately. I am forever cold so I’m never able to use my tank tops or shorter t-shirts because I’ll FREEZE! (even with cardigans or sweaters). I guess I can, at least, use skirts and shorts with tights underneath. Baawww, I want to show off a little bit of skin! :(

I managed to swim for 45 minutes and then, 15 min after, 2 hours and 30 min of aikido.

I am far for having a good resistence but hey, guys, I made it!

And and and and I have the loveliest boyfriend in the world. It has been a long time since I don’t write about him but, come on, I love him till the bottom of my guts!

Today I saw a photo from last summer. I am definitelly going to start pilates asap. Adamantium abs, I miss you!!!

At least I’m going to start swimming again *w* or so I hope!